In Family We Trust
My kid brother is silly. Whenever we do karaoke nights, J insists Lucky Dube’s "It’s Not Easy" should be on the menu. My protests seldom deliver results. Dube’s song is about inadequate due diligence prior to walking down the aisle (did you take time to know her/him?). The Union quickly collapsed.
Conversions go like this:
J: I’ve booked "It’s Not Easy."
Me: Why cannot we do a different song?
J: It’s your divorce song.
Me: Fine. Pass the mic.
Divorce is one of life’s greatest stressors. It changes you. Forever. It’s not so much you miss the idea of a life partner, more of: you took a shot at one of life’s biggest decisions, and missed.
The other less-known consequence of divorce are the lost connections. Humans are prone to jump to conclusions (and take sides) - often based on hearsay. Most barely know you, but cannot help to call you names. I chose to look at the picture: securing my freedom from a toxic relationship. Getting rid of vipers was the easier task. (Ever heard of an eagle losing sleep over protests of chicken?)
I knew the marriage couldn’t be saved well before we separated. As soon as she walked out (and I helped close the door), it felt more of relief than anything else. After taking down our pictures from the living room, the first call I made wasn’t to any family member, but to a lawyer/friend. The request was simple: make the separation legal - as we bide time to dissolve the marriage. Uganda doesn’t have no-fault divorce as an option, so one has to find ground (infidelity-cruelty-dissertation) to dissolve a marriage. I didn’t have to wait for long.
Within two weeks, the ground presented itself in form of Breach of Trust (God works in mysterious ways, you know). Papers were drafted and served within a week. In a month or so court had issued a Consent Judgment. Just like that: it was over.
Family has extremely been supportive. And you cannot blame them. When trust is breached (dishonesty, infidelity, and so on), there’s no turning back. It’s something I had always told my ex wife: broken glass cannot be put back together.
Ironically, J’s wedding was a few days to the final divorce hearing. (Unsurprisingly, the reception was karaoke-themed.) He came straight from honeymoon to witness the Decree Nisi issued. We broke a few rules that day: drinking adulterated beverages at midday — to new beginnings.
People will always have an opinion (who doesn't), but only husband+wife know when the End of the Road has come. And it's okay to throw in the towel. Marriage and divorce are probably the same age. Maybe a few weeks apart.
From the sleepovers to regular "dude, are you okay?" calls, I will forever be grateful to my siblings, Mum and a few close friends that checked in. Nonetheless, they don’t have to check-in frequently anymore. I’m in a much better place than a few months ago.
In Beyonce words: I lived. I loved. I was here.
ft
