Firstborn is Duty
Graduation was on Friday. The next day I was on a plane back to beloved Africa. Most of my post-grad class (we were a small community of 14 drawn from five continents) stayed in Europe. Reasons for staying ranged from further (PhD) studies to romantic commitments to not wanting to return to volatile countries. Some have since relocated to 3rd countries. Not me.
At the time I was in grad school, some of my siblings were in either high school or college. With Dad having passed on a decade earlier, I thought the youngins NEEDED an adult in their lives. Like duty, I never second-guessed the choice to return home immediately after grad school. (It also helped my then employer had given me a study break - with pay. I didn't have to return home to job-searching. Yeah. Firstborn Blessings galore.)
Anyways, we are always a chat away from life-changing decisions. I cannot go into details, but it's been worthwhile watching my siblings evolve from changing diapers to visiting them at school to confidants - and my main support system. I've been good and bad influence in equal measure. One of them had her first drunken night in my company. It was hilarious putting her to bed as she — thanks to influence of wine — asked to call Mum at ungodly hours. The other recently recruited me to his favorite football club — in the process abandoning a rival club I had supported for 30 years. One of them was my Best Man (unfortunately that role didn’t last as divorce followed).
Whenever I'm involved in intimate relationships, the first thing I bring up is how family is a big, big deal to me. Anyone that's insecure and/or perceives attachment to family as competition is swiftly flushed. See.. lovers, spouses, and so on come and go. Family is permanent.
The upside of being a firstborn is there’s little to prove with regard to taking care of minors. Been there, done that. I consider self a retired "co-parent." With my siblings all established professionals — and now that I’m back to single life — Tuxie (my cat) is the sole "responsibility.” My own kids? Some day, perhaps. Maybe not. It’s an open-ended situation. And I don’t owe anyone an explanation over the same.
Without costs associated with child-rearing, what do I do with my earnings? I live life to the fullest. Save for old age. Make-up for being parachuted into adulthood. I don’t for a single moment regret the (some would say selfish) choices, rather look at the 20 years or so of non-voted-for leadership as duty. Guess what I’m doing lately? Planning (to the last detail) the family’s festive season activities. And I am enjoying every bit of that.
Happy Holidays.
ft
